I listened to a humorous children's audio story the other day at sign language class about a nine-year-old boy who couldn't ride his bike. All his friends could ride their bikes. Even his five-year-old sister could ride her bike. But every time he started picking up speed, he got scared, wobbled, and fell. Then he would say to himself, "If I can't ride a bike now, what's going to heappen when I get older?" The music would then switch to a techno, 'futuristic' music as a low radio anouncer called out, "The future." The little boy would dream of the terrible things that would happen in the future all because he hadn't learned to ride his bike.
Random? Uh, I guess? Not really...I'm a senior this year. Lately, evereryone's been asking me about (you guessed it) *insert techno, futuristic music* "the future". Now that I've hit the magic age of 18, everyone naturally assumes that God has walked up and handed me an envelope with the words "What you are to do with your life" clearly etched on the outside. Yea. It's getting annoying, not to mention, I'm suddenly having all these fearful thoughts. Everyone else knows what they're doing when they graduate. Even people who are younger than me know what they're doing. But I don't. What's going to happen when I graduate? And then the future becomes some sort of scary thing and I start to panic. I can really identify with that little boy.
I was thinking (translation: panicking) today about what I'm going to tell everyone this summer at camp who ask me what I'm doing with my life. Some very overused (yet painfully true) verses popped into my mind. "Trust in the LORD with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." My own understanding tells me that I need a plan for my life, but that's not what God says. God says, "Trust me and I will give you direction." That's so hard to do right now because everyone is watching and waiting for my next step. I want to acknowledge God in every area of my life. I want Him to give me absolute assurance and guidance on what my next step should be.
I really don't think it's college at this point, because I don't have one definite career I'd like to pursue. A college degree would be useless if I don't plan on using it. I don't have thousands of dollars to invest in something I'm not sure I wanna do with my life. I also definitely don't think it's God's will for me to get married any time soon. I feel God calling me towards doing something with missions, but I'm not sure yet to what extent.
So I'm trying to stop leaning on my preconceived notions of what my future will be like and ideas for what to do this fall and keep an open mind, trusting that God knows what He's doing and will reveal it to me when He's ready, opening the right doors at the right times. While I wait, I will continue to worship and serve Him as John Waller's song "While I'm waiting" says. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc I tried to embed it here, but it wasn't cooperating. :D
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Beginning explanations...
When the thought of starting a blog first crossed my mind, I had this brilliantly brilliant idea that I decided wasn't so brilliant upon further contemplation. Funny how that always seems to happen with me... My idea was to set myself apart from all other blogs by NOT having my first post say basically the same thing as every other first post by every other blogger: "I'm starting a blog for such and such a reason [normally not really a reason at all]. Here's an explanation of my name." End of first post. Guess what? I'm about to do the same boringly predictable thing. So if you expected something randomly different (just because I am the definition of randomly different), you can quit reading now, k?
(Here comes the boring part.)I know I won't be able to fully explain why I chose the blog name that I did, but I'm going to attempt to at least try. I was listening to a sermon the other day (Saturday, if you happen to be a stalker and are taking notes) by Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village in Highland Village, Texas (and no, I don't have an address for you stalkers). The sermon was about how passionately in love with God Old Testament heroes and early church leaders were, and Chandler questioned why we are not so passionate about Him as they were.
David's soul yearned for God like a deer in the middle of a desert during a drought. The deer desired water and knew he would die without it, and David desired to know God in the same way. David yearned to know God more (O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water"). This wasn't just a want like, "Oh I want that iPod sooooo bad!" It was a deep inner longing that had to be filled. It kept David awake at night, contemplating how he could know God more ("On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night"). David was grieved when he found his soul no longer wholeheartdly pursuing God and prayed, "Return to me the joy of my Salvation!"
David says other radical things in the Psalms like "Your steadfast love is better than life" and "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere" and "One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life" and many, many others. David was chasing after one thing with his entire life-knowing God more.
David recognized what so many of us miss; we are all gonna die some day. "Well, duh," you think. No, think about it. When we die, everything we've worked for on this earth is going to be worthless. Solomon, David's son, was the wisest and one of the richest men who ever lived. He had everything anyone could have ever asked for. He had money, fame, women (yes, that's plural), wisdom, etc. He had EVERYTHING, and yet he wrote an entire book (Ecclesiastes) about how worthless everything is because we can't take anything with us when we die. (No U-Hauls will follow your hearse.) When we stand before God someday, He's not gonna care whether we drove a fancy car, lived in a nice house, had the highest college degree possible, or were popular. All that's going to matter in that day is whether we truly know Him or not.
The apostle Paul in Philippians three lists ways he could take pride in Himself: "circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless." He is basically the epitome of the godly man of his time. Yet in the very next verse he says, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ...I want to know Christ." Compared to knowing God, all those things were like filthy trash. Paul recognized the surpassing worth of knowing Christ, and we see just how much he longed to know God fully by what he says in Philippians 1:21 and then 3:8: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings." Paul wasn't just interested in following God when things were easy. His pursuit of knowing God wasn't about to stop in the face of suffering or even death. Paul knew he would never fully know God until his death, so he longed for death. No matter what it took to know God more, Paul was willing to do it.
Habakkuk expressed this same unconditional pursuit of God in Habakkuk three. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." This is such an unusual attitude-'Who cares how everything else goes if I get God?' is what he says.
Chandler ended the sermon with a question: Do we know God? Are we passionately pursuing the only thing in life that truly matters? Knowing Him? "The question about an activity should never be, 'Is this right or wrong?'" Chandler admonished. "The question should be, 'Will I get more of God by pursuing this activity?'"
With this blog, I hope to know God more and make Him known. By the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life, I hope to be able to catch a small glimpse of just who my Savior is and think through some of His amazing attributes by writing. My life is a novel God has written. As I live out every chapter, I hope to grow to know Him and long for Him more.
(Here comes the boring part.)I know I won't be able to fully explain why I chose the blog name that I did, but I'm going to attempt to at least try. I was listening to a sermon the other day (Saturday, if you happen to be a stalker and are taking notes) by Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village in Highland Village, Texas (and no, I don't have an address for you stalkers). The sermon was about how passionately in love with God Old Testament heroes and early church leaders were, and Chandler questioned why we are not so passionate about Him as they were.
David's soul yearned for God like a deer in the middle of a desert during a drought. The deer desired water and knew he would die without it, and David desired to know God in the same way. David yearned to know God more (O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water"). This wasn't just a want like, "Oh I want that iPod sooooo bad!" It was a deep inner longing that had to be filled. It kept David awake at night, contemplating how he could know God more ("On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night"). David was grieved when he found his soul no longer wholeheartdly pursuing God and prayed, "Return to me the joy of my Salvation!"
David says other radical things in the Psalms like "Your steadfast love is better than life" and "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere" and "One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life" and many, many others. David was chasing after one thing with his entire life-knowing God more.
David recognized what so many of us miss; we are all gonna die some day. "Well, duh," you think. No, think about it. When we die, everything we've worked for on this earth is going to be worthless. Solomon, David's son, was the wisest and one of the richest men who ever lived. He had everything anyone could have ever asked for. He had money, fame, women (yes, that's plural), wisdom, etc. He had EVERYTHING, and yet he wrote an entire book (Ecclesiastes) about how worthless everything is because we can't take anything with us when we die. (No U-Hauls will follow your hearse.) When we stand before God someday, He's not gonna care whether we drove a fancy car, lived in a nice house, had the highest college degree possible, or were popular. All that's going to matter in that day is whether we truly know Him or not.
The apostle Paul in Philippians three lists ways he could take pride in Himself: "circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless." He is basically the epitome of the godly man of his time. Yet in the very next verse he says, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ...I want to know Christ." Compared to knowing God, all those things were like filthy trash. Paul recognized the surpassing worth of knowing Christ, and we see just how much he longed to know God fully by what he says in Philippians 1:21 and then 3:8: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings." Paul wasn't just interested in following God when things were easy. His pursuit of knowing God wasn't about to stop in the face of suffering or even death. Paul knew he would never fully know God until his death, so he longed for death. No matter what it took to know God more, Paul was willing to do it.
Habakkuk expressed this same unconditional pursuit of God in Habakkuk three. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." This is such an unusual attitude-'Who cares how everything else goes if I get God?' is what he says.
Chandler ended the sermon with a question: Do we know God? Are we passionately pursuing the only thing in life that truly matters? Knowing Him? "The question about an activity should never be, 'Is this right or wrong?'" Chandler admonished. "The question should be, 'Will I get more of God by pursuing this activity?'"
With this blog, I hope to know God more and make Him known. By the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life, I hope to be able to catch a small glimpse of just who my Savior is and think through some of His amazing attributes by writing. My life is a novel God has written. As I live out every chapter, I hope to grow to know Him and long for Him more.
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