Guess where I'm spending my summer?

So I’m assuming this won’t be much of a surprise to most of you, but I’ll be leaving in 9 days to spend yet another summer counseling at Camp Barakel. I tried to think of another creative way to explain all the reasons why I’m going up, but I decided to just be lazy and direct you to my post from last summer again: http://chapterstoknowhimmore.blogspot.com/2011/05/so-its-official-im-counseling-at.html It has two ridiculous, original songs and you should really check it out if you’re at all confused/interested about why I spend 11 weeks up there every summer, or just if you want a good laugh!

With all the excitement I feel about the upcoming summer,  I’m also finding myself oddly surprised at the seriousness with which I find myself entering the summer, and with that, a feeling of regret that I didn’t enter last summer with that same seriousness. Oh, it’s not like I went to camp last summer excited for a summer of goofing off. And it’s also not like I went into the summer completely prideful, thinking I could do God’s work by myself. But I did enter last summer with ‘a false sense of superiority’. I went back expecting a duplicate summer to my first year counseling. I went back prepared to meet my first set of campers, and fully expecting my second summer’s campers to be the same, yet in so many ways, they were very, very different. And most embarrassing, I went into last summer still clinging to my own selfish pride-‘I’ wanted to counsel and ‘I’ wanted to do it in the way ‘I’ felt comfortable.’ I’ wanted to see God work, and ‘I’ knew in my head that couldn’t happen without God showing up and doing a miracle, but ‘I’ somehow thought since I’d already counseled a summer, ‘I’ knew what ‘I’ was doing and maybe needed God a little less.

I certainly didn’t enter last summer completely dependent on God. And God broke me and showed me my pride the first week of workshop. And the first week with techs. And the first week with campers. And the first week on West Side. And every other ‘first’ the whole summer long. And every time, I got a big painful reminder that it was still all about me. I still cared way too much about myself.

Maybe this is why I feel more cautious about handing out advice to new counselors this year. In some ways, I feel like I failed on so many levels last summer. But when I take the truths I learned last summer and begin to speak truth to myself and remember that although I failed to be all I should’ve been last summer, Jesus never failed to be all He should’ve been on earth, and He died for all that failure and sin. Then the blinder that guilt is, is removed and I am able to see all God taught me through last summer, and that, miraculously, he was also able to work through me in my girls’ lives, and I wasn’t too much of a stumbling block after all!

So here’s what I’m praying God will do this summer:

First, I’m praying He will teach me true humility, and that I would be empowered with his strength to serve this summer with a joyful, servant’s heart. I’m praying that past experiences won’t give me a false confidence or an annoyance towards the changes that will come this summer. This summer WILL be very different from last summer. And I don’t like change!  But by God’s grace I know I will ‘survive’ and grow through this.

Second, I’m also praying that God would yank me out of my comfort zone, since outside that comfort zone seems to be the best place he works in my life. And I’m praying that he WILL work, and that He would open my heart to be willing to be changed by that work.

Third, I’m praying He will give me His strength, energy, joy, and health, and that I would be daily reminded of my need to be dependent on Him for each of those things. Sometimes when I have an ‘easy’ week, it’s easy to think “I’ve got this, God. You can relax now.” But that’s one of the biggest lies Satan tries to deceive us with! I need God to show up every minute of every day, or my summer WILL be a failure!

Fourth, I’m praying for my techs. I will be counseling the high school girl workers called technicians or techs all summer. Here are the thing I am praying for them:

First, I’m praying that they, too, would come to camp willing to serve. I’m praying God would give them joyful attitudes and willing hearts to do whatever needs doing!

Second, I’m praying for their attitudes towards the change in dorms. We’ll be staying in the one building on camp property without bathrooms. This is different from what any of the techs arriving at camp are expecting, since previously, we lived in a dorm with nicer bunks and two bathrooms. There are plenty of other downsides to the new cabin, but also plenty of perks. I’m praying the other tech counselor and I will be able to sell them (and ourselves!) on the perks, and that we will not have to deal with too much complaining or other possible issues that may arise.

Third, and most importantly, I’m praying for their hearts. I’m praying God will show up every week and convict each heart of sin and their need for a Savior. I’m praying He will use their time at camp to conform them more into His own image. I’m praying for God to destroy the walls they’ve built around their hearts, and pull off the blinders Satan has placed on their eyes, so that they may truly understand the Bible, and that their time at camp would make them fall in love with Jesus and His Word. I’m praying that Satan would be bound from whispering lies to any of their hearts, but that the truth of God’s Word would be so strong that week, they could not help but listen and be changed. I’m praying for God to blow us all away with how He works-over and above anything we could think or imagine!

Lastly, for myself, I pray that God would equip me with His wisdom. I’m praying that every time I open the Bible to teach, I will be reminded that unless God shows up, the words I say will be my own words, worthless and powerless to change hearts. I pray God would supernaturally provide me with words to speak and that they would truly be His words-that He truly would speak to their hearts.

Please, please, please join me in prayer this summer. Without prayer, this summer is destined to fail. I’m desperate for God to show up and work, because I know that of myself, I won’t have strength, energy, joy, wisdom, or power to change hearts, and I desperately need each of those things!

For those of you who attend my church, I will be handing out prayer guides next Sunday, and I would LOVE it if you’d take one and put it in a place where you will regularly see it and be reminded to pray for me!

Ok, so the last thing you all should know is that mail time at camp is an awful lot like Christmas morning as a kid: You wait excitedly for it, and if you don’t get anything, it’s kinda sad and disappointing. Plus, it can get lonely being so far away. I’ll miss you all! So please, please send me mail! You can do this one of two ways: You can write to me through snail mail! I’ll give you the address so you won’t have an excuse.

Camp Barakel
Hannah Banura
P.O. Box 159
Fairview, MI 48621

You can also shoot me an email through the camp’s email service available right on their webpage campbarakel.org. It’s pretty simple.

Or if you happen to be an over-achiever or love me an awful lot, you could even send me a PACKAGE! That address is a little different than my mailing address:

Camp Barakel
Hannah Banura
1798 Shear Lake Road
Fairview, MI 48621

If you don’t send me a package and are up all night worrying that no one else sent me one all summer, don’t worry! 1.) I’ve never actually gotten a package at camp, so I don’t really expect to get one. 2.) I’ve already sent one to myself up there!

So yeah, I think that pretty much covers it! Thanks for reading!

Worship

I've led worship this fall and winter for the junior and senior high youth groups on Wednesday and Thursday nights, and most weeks I feel like I struggle with really "leading" some of the teens to worship. Sometimes I wonder what I could do to motivate worship and push them to sing with a heart of worship, not just absentmindedly mouth lyrics or sit bored in their chairs not singing at all. I feel dumb repeatedly telling them to "think about the words". And "God is so cool! Sing this song with me about how great he is!" honestly isn't the most eloquent or effective way to motivate worship. Obviously I can't change hearts, but obviously my mind never stops at mere wondering, so of course, I've had to think through this, ask God about it ,and wrestle through it myself. I think my first thought in this process was, "What motivates my own heart to worship?"

I think the greatest cause of worship for me is looking at the cross and all that Jesus accomplished there. Then the combination of that and looking at who I was and who God is making me to be makes my heart nearly burst with worship. There is no way I deserve God's mercy in saving me and His faithfulness to finish the work he has begun in me. It's all His doing!

Oh, my Savior is so great! Any time I hear a sermon on the cross and Salvation and what was accomplished, I can't keep from smiling, and everything in me wants to scream, "God, you are so awesome! Look what you did!" (And then I feel like those words are so inadequate and that I'm treating God like a two year old who's just learned to recognize the letter 'S'. )

Understanding that makes me realize that without the teens first having a right relationship with God, no one can stir them to worship God. A heart lost in sin cannot worship God. It can read and sing words, but it can't worship!

But what about those who know Jesus as Savior? What stirs their heart? What else fills me with worship?

Have you ever had a, “Thank you, God!” moment when something works out unexpectedly well, and you KNOW without a doubt that God was behind that, regardless whether you had prayed about the situation? God’s been showing me this last winter that He provides those moments just for His own glory-to fill our hearts with worship and to cause us to declare his wonderful work to others! (“For we cannot help but speak of the things we have seen and heard.” Acts 4:20 “Telling…the praises of the Lord, and his power and the wonderful works that He has done.” Psalm 78:4

But what about those moments in life where things don’t work out the way we want them to? Do those moments cause us to worship as well? Sometimes, worship is a choice based on faith in the promise of God to work all things out for His glory and the good of His people (Romans 8:28, Hebrews 11). But sometimes, the oddest things can cause our hearts to worship even here on earth.

Like cold, long winters (or even several months of mild winter!) which stir my heart to worship because of the joy and excitement of warm, spring weather.

Or bad weather while driving which causes worship because of the safety God provides.

And even if God does not provide safety, car accidents fill my heart with worship every subsequent journey of safety.

Even being sick causes me to worship because of the feeling of health and energy afterwards.

Looking at my sin causes me to worship, not in a "taking advantage of grace" sort of way, but in realizing that even when I mess up, I have a great Savior who is faithful to forgive!

All those wonderful moments when my heart is full of worship would not be half as wonderful to me without the difficult situation first. Because of the little moments God provides after the little pain, I know by faith that I can trust my God who is faithful to provide even greater joy-whether in heaven or eventually on earth-for the greater pain and struggles.

Maybe the reason our hearts aren't constantly filled with worship is because we choose to focus on the mundane- de-spiritualizing life and not recognizing how much God is behind every joy or struggle we face.

“[Your mercies] are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness!” Lamentations 3:23

The Snapplemiffin trees of Fruitinshire-An illustration of the difference between justification and sanctification

              Far away in the land of Fruitinshire there lives an orchard owner and his beautiful orchard of Snapplemiffin trees. These trees produce more perfect, deliciously scrumptious fruit than can be imagined by the human mind, and the orchard owner himself is famous for his orchard of magnificent Snapplemiffin trees. This honor is not ill-deserved, for the orchard owner has undergone great personal sacrifice to secure the orchard of Snapplemiffin trees-the journey to create the seeds of these trees then the years of pruning ended in the death of his only son, but that is a tale for another day.              
             Snapplemiffin trees, unlike trees in our world, produce their best fruit at the time of pruning, and every year at that time, people throughout the entire land of Fruitinshire travel far and wide to visit the Snapplemiffin orchard to catch a glimpse of the famous trees and taste their fruit. Not a single person, after seeing the trees’ fruit, can leave the orchard without giving praise to their creator and keeper, and well they should, for that was what the trees and their fruit were created for-to bring glory to their Creator.               
             One year, a random acorn fell into the well-fertilized soil of the Snapplemiffin orchard and began to grow. With the near magical soil of the orchard, the oak tree grew at a miraculous pace, and by the time of pruning, had grown into the height and size of a Snapplemiffin tree. The only difference in appearance between it and a Snapplemiffin tree is that its branches were not laden with Snapplemiffin fruit-only acorns, which were despised by and offensive to the orchard owner.
                Naturally, all the Snapplemiffin trees noticed this, and pointed it out to the oak tree. “You must not be a Snapplemiffin tree. If you were a Snapplemiffin tree, you would have Snapplemiffin fruit. Every true Snapplemiffin tree has Snapplemiffin fruit to prove it. Ask the orchard owner to change you into a true Snapplemiffin tree.”
               But although the other trees warned the oak tree daily that it was not a true Snapplemiffin tree and would be cut down at the time of pruning, the oak tree did not consider that to be a problem.
                “I’m as good as any dumb ‘ol Snapplemiffin tree. Why should I not be allowed to stay in this orchard and be admired by the people of the land?” he reasoned. “I don’t need the orchard owner to change who I am. I can remain an oak tree. I love my acorns. Why should I have to give them up? I just need to put Snapplemiffin fruit on my branches. Then everyone will like me, and I’ll look good and be admired by all those who come to the orchard.” This of course was not the purpose or heart of the Snapplemiffin trees-to be admired themselves- and though they often told him they bore fruit and existed only in gratitude for and to please and glorify their creator, the oak tree never quite seemed to get it.
               As the growing season progressed and other trees continued bearing fruit, the oak tree set to work. Every night while the other trees slept, the oak tree would gather Snapplemiffin trees with its branches and set them on the branches of his own tree overtop the acorns that were already in place. As the days passed, many of the other trees began to forget he was not a true Snapplemiffin tree. They saw the Snapplemiffin fruit on his branches, and they all knew that the true sign of a Snapplemiffin tree was Snapplemiffin fruit.
             By the time pruning season began, all the Snapplemiffin trees had accepted the oak tree as one of their own, and the oak tree, elated with the success of his plan, was certain that he could fool the orchard owner as well. “All I had to do to make them believe I was one of them was just put on some of their fruit. I look just like them now. No one will know the difference, and I will receive glory and praise for my beautiful fruit when the people of the kingdom arrive, and love and acceptance from the orchard owner as well! I didn’t need the orchard owner’s sacrifice. I don’t need his pruning. I can have my acorns and be a Snapplemiffin tree, too.”
           But things did NOT go as planned when the orchard owner arrived. He walked right over to the oak tree and began preparations to cut him down.
            “What are you doing?” the oak tree screamed in protest. “I’m one of yours; I’m a Snapplemiffin tree! You can’t cut me down! Look at my fruit!”
                 The orchard owner shook his head. “You were never one of my trees. You may have tacked on the fruit of the Snapplemiffin trees, but your identity never changed. Your goal in putting on fruit was not to glorify me, but to make yourself look good and make yourself acceptable to me. The only way to become acceptable to me is to let me change you into a Snapplemiffin tree. I know my trees and you are not one of them.” To prove his point, the orchard owner reached out his hand, and shook the tree. Snapplemiffin fruit fell to the ground, and the acorns were suddenly clearly visible. Everyone gasped as the oak tree hung its branches in shame.
                There was silence for several moments and everyone held their breaths to see what the orchard owner would do. “Would you like me to make you into a true Snapplemiffin tree?” he finally asked.
                The oak tree lifted its branches in surprise. “Why would you do that? I don’t deserve to become a real Snapplemiffin tree. I tried to become one and please you and others by putting on fruit. I’ve lied to everyone. I didn’t want to give up my acorns. Why would you make me one of your trees?”
                The orchard owner smiled. “None of these trees deserved that. They all were once ordinary oak trees, enjoying their acorns and seeking the praise of others. But my son gave his life to acquire the formula for changing oak trees into Snapplemiffin trees to glorify me, and all of these trees have recognized this and asked me to change who they are from their roots up to the tips of their branches to make them Snapplemiffin trees. They have surrendered their acorns and given them up, for they know they are offensive to me.”
                “Please, if you will,” the oak tree began, “I would like-I want-Will you make me into a Snapplemiffin tree? I will give up my acorns. I desire now only to be one of your trees and bear fruit for you.”
              The orchard owner smiled. “I will change your roots now and prune your branches of acorns, but  you will not change into a perfect Snapplemiffin tree overnight,” he warned.  “Every year I will come and find acorns hidden in your branches, and every year I will prune them if you let me. As time wears on, you will find you will produce more and more Snapplemiffin fruit and less and less acorns.”
                “I still don’t understand something, though,” the oak tree admitted. “I had fruit before. Why were not you pleased by it? Why was I not accepted because of it?”
              “The Snapplemiffin fruit pleases me and glorifies me, but it is not what makes you acceptable to me. What makes you acceptable to me is not a work you do, but the work my son did to make a way for you to become a Snapplemiffin tree. If you trust his work to be enough to change you and truly let me do this work, you will be acceptable to me.  Before, you put on fruit because your roots desired to please and be accepted by others. Your roots’ desires revealed what kind of tree you were-an unchanged oak tree that still loved its acorns. Now that you are accepting my son’s sacrifice to make you into a Snapplemiffin tree, I am accepting you for that. No fruit you try to put on by yourself will please me, for that is only fake fruit. I must first change you and accepted you as my tree. Only then will you begin to produce real fruit that pleases and glorifies me.  Every true Snapplemiffin tree has fruit. But tacking on Snapplemiffin fruit does not make a tree a Snapplemiffin tree. Any tree can tack on fruit. Only I, the orchard owner can change an oak tree into a true Snapplemiffin tree. Will you let me change your roots now?”

Bridge May Be Icy- A Picture of God's Faithfulness

The sign at left makes me smile every time I see it. When I was younger, it amused me to see this sign over bridges in the heat of summer. I remember asking why they didn't take those silly signs down in summer, and I remember answering myself that it would be a lot of work to take down the signs just for the summer months, and that, after all, it did make me smile to see those signs when it was 90 degrees outside!

But that's not why I smile when I see that sign now. I smile now, because that sign reminds me of the faithfulness of God.

November 16, 2008 I passed over an icy bridge, and the car I was in spun out of control. I had just seen pictures from a friend of a car some of her friends had been driving which had also recently spun out of control, crashing the car, and leaving them both dead. I remember screaming out a prayer for help. I remember safely making it off the bridge. I remember stepping outside the car with the driver to look at the damage to the car. I think I was really just relieved and grateful at that point. I think I would've been ok. But then another car came up over that same bridge, spun out of control, and flipped upside down on the guardrail. It spun several times, before safely returning to the bridge. I'll never forget the sound of screeching metal mixed with the screams from my own voice as the car and its passengers teetered for several seconds between life and death.

And that unfortunately was not the end of the night. Several other cars came flipping and crashing over the bridge on front of me that night. I was terrified the whole time, afraid I might see the deaths of several helpless individuals, who were driving down the road, completely unaware of the dangers that faced them at the top of the hill where the bridge had turned to slick ice. I remember I was so scared, it became hard to breathe, and I remember gluing my hands to my ears to keep from hearing the screeching metal.

Miraculously, no one was severely injured that night. Several cars were flipped and crashed, but God kept all the passengers safe. I wish I could say that was reassuring to me. I wish I could say that the horrors of that night stayed in that night, but they didn't. The next time I went to cross that bridge, I felt all the same fears and panic rise up in me again. I found myself paralyzed with memories of that night, and it was all I could do to keep from crying. I felt sick to my stomach, and I wasn't sure what was happening to me.

That bridge was on my way to church, and I had to cross it four times a week to get to and from church every week for the rest of the winter. And every week for several months, no matter how hard I tried to reassure myself that God was in control, and I had no fear of death, for then I would finally get to be away from the troubles of this world and be with him in my true home, I felt the same way.

I tried several things to keep the panic from rising. I tried hiding my face in my lap the whole ride there and back so I wouldn't know when we were approaching the bridge so my body wouldn't know to bring back all the images, sounds and horrors of the night, but somehow, my body knew every time. I tried burying myself in conversation with those around me, trying to distract myself from the fact that I had to cross that bridge, but somehow, I couldn't push it from my mind. Most of all, though, every time I crossed the bridge, I prayed and begged God to take away the images and sounds in my mind, but every week, I continued to feel them resurface. I had recently gotten my driving permit, but I had no desire to drive, especially over that bridge.

But God is faithful. ^"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." Lamentations 3:22-24.

He did not leave me in the state I was in forever. He allowed Satan to assault me for a while so I could gain a greater closeness with him and learn complete dependence on him, and then one day, the feelings and images and fears I felt as I crossed the bridge just disappeared.

Every time I see that sign and cross that bridge today, I smile, remembering God's faithfulness. He DOES answer prayer. Not always in my timing, but always perfectly in His, which is FAR better than my own. And sometimes, it's in the waiting for my prayers to be answered that I learn what it means to hope in Him, and just how merciful and faithful He is in withholding what I want to give me what is best.

And when I see that sign and remember his faithfulness to heal me from the effects of that night, I'm also reminded of the other ways He is faithful for which I am so grateful:

I'm grateful that He is faithful and never changes. I never have to worry that one day I'll wake up, and He'll no longer be a good God and He'll hate me. I'm grateful I never have to worry about Him changing His mind and making me earn His love, for I would never be able to do that on my own. I can only trust in what Jesus has earned for me.

I'm grateful that because He is faithful and never changes I can read the Bible which was written thousands of years ago, and I can know what my God is like today.

I'm grateful that through His faithfulness, the promises he made will never change and that he will never fail me or leave me.

But most of all, I'm grateful he didn't give me my way when I was a rebel, a sinner, needing his mercy and the substitute sacrifice of Jesus. I'm grateful for His faithfulness to continue to convict me of sin, and show me that true forgiveness is easily found in the cross: easy for me, but it was not for Jesus.

"God, who has called you into fellowship with His Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful." 1 Corinthians 1:9

Saved from what?

I think the most memorable sermon I heard all summer was on Sunday morning at the end of week eight. The speaker was Jamey Nichols, and he delivered the clearest presentation of the gospel that I heard all summer. I unfortunately did not have a notebook to take notes that morning, but I still very clearly remember the message.

He started his sermon by asking the campers what they thought of when they thought of God. Was he an angry German Shepherd or a rescue St. Bernard? Was he kind and gentle and loving or angry and to be feared? Of course, all the campers had different ideas. I remember how he allowed campers to speculate about what God was really like and then he gave verses to prove both.

He then showed a clip from The Chronicles of Narnia-the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe where Aslan (a symbol of Jesus) is fierce and the white witch (a symbol of Satan) bows to him.

Jamey then posed a question. When people tell you they're "saved", what do they really mean? What are they saved from? He worked up to reading Romans 5:9- "Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through  Him." What is Salvation? What do we need to be saved from? God's wrath! God is rightly full of wrath against sin.

Jamey switched to an example to help us understand the cross more fully. He asked us whether Jesus was a coward. Paul said in Phillipians that to die was gain to him and he would much rather die and be with God than be here on earth. 11 of the 12 original apostles felt the same way. Stephen went gladly to his death, and we have many other countless reports of martyrs in the first century who boldly and fearlessly died for their faith in Christ. So why do we find Jesus on the eve of his death sweating drops of blood in the garden and praying that this "cup" of death would pass from Him if there was any other way? Was Jesus more of a coward and a lesser man than so many of His followers? Was Jesus so afraid of physical pain?

We find the answer by looking to the cross and all Jesus did for us there. It wasn't the physical pain Jesus felt that saved us. It was not that pain that He dreaded and feared-it was actually the pain of the separation he knew he would feel on the cross from His Father. For the first time in his life, He felt the weight of sin, for on the cross, He took our sins on Himself. "For He made Him who knew no sin [Jesus] to be made sin for us..." (2 Cor. 5:21) 

"My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" Jesus cried, as he felt the weight of my sin on his shoulders, and "God who is of purer eyes than to look on evil" (Hab. 1:13) turned His face away.

"I once was lost in darkest night, yet thought I knew the way. The sin that promised joy and life had led me to the grave. I had no hope that you would own a rebel to your will, and if you had not loved me first, I would refuse you still. But as I ran my hellbound race, indifferent to the cost, you looked upon my helpless state and led me to the cross. And I beheld God's love displayed, you suffered in my place. You bore the wrath reserved for me, now all I know is grace." (All I Have is Christ)

"But God demonstrates His love towards us in this- while we were still sinners..."

While I was a rebel, deserving God's fierce wrath...

While I was a traitor, like Edmund and the law and God's wrath demanded my blood...

While I was like a stubborn child walking down slippery steps yanking her hand away from her father and screaming she can do it herself...

"...Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

When I was far away, running from God, not knowing or caring the cost, and yanking my hand away from His protective guidance, He flew to me, grabbed me by the hand and led me to the cross-the cross where He absorbed all the Father's wrath that I deserved.

Jamey used an illustration to show this. He had three glasses of Gatorade and asked for three volunteers to allow the Gatorade to be poured out on their heads. But instead of pouring the Gatorade directly on their heads, each time, he placed a buffer in between the Gatorade and the campers to absorb the Gatorade that would otherwise be poured out completely on the camper. The sponge completely absorbed the Gatorade. So did the diaper and the towel. The campers never had to experience the Gatorade being poured out on them because something else absorbed it for them.

Jesus absorbed the Father's wrath for me! God's law demanded blood. "Without the shedding of blood, there is no remission of sin." Like Aslan stepped in and was killed in the traitor Edmund's place, so Jesus also stepped in and was killed for the traitor I was for defying God's law. God's wrath and punishment that should've been mine was completely poured out on Jesus!

There have been several times in this last year that I saw those around me who did not understand or accept the gospel, and I wondered, "Why me? Why did I care and understand the gospel? Why did I see the weight of my sin and understand the wrath I deserved, then turn to the cross, see Jesus' sacrifice, and fully trust in Him for my Salvation? Why do I understand the gospel and love Jesus and want to please Him?" I wondered if it was because of the home I grew up in. I was homeschooled, and grew up in a fairly conservative home where I was taught the Bible. Was my parents' work why I responded to the gospel? No! I see so many who were raised exactly as I was who have completely turned their back on God, and want nothing to do with the gospel. Was it because of my personality and the way I always questioned everything that I finally was able to understand the truth? No! I know so many other questioners like me who have asked the same questions and come to toally different conclusions about Jesus and Salvation. Was it because I knew the Bible so well and spent so much time memorizing it from a young age? No! I've known people that did the same and have now walked away from Christ completely.

What was it then? Consider Romans 9:16 in several translations:

"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy." NIV

"So it is God who decides to show mercy. We can neither choose it nor work for it." NLT

"So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy." ESV

There was no loveliness in me that God would choose me. It was not dependent on my work or my parents' work. Those questions in my mind were completely invalid! God showed me all those things. He unblinded my eyes. (2 Cor. 4:3-4) He did all the work. It was all His mercy!

"What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?  Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25

If God was not holy...

God's holiness is a big deal...but just HOW big a deal is it really? I was looking through a Bible study curriculum this last week that had the entire first lesson devoted to teaching God's holiness. The curriculum was supposed to take students on a chronological study of the Bible, giving them the foundations, and only had 52 lessons. My first thought was that there is so much of the Bible to cover, and it's all so good and important, how could you waste a whole week just teaching about God's holiness? Wouldn't it be better on the first week to teach about how good and important and absolutely necessary the Bible was?

That's when it started to hit me, though-God's holiness is the foundation to all of Christianity. It was God's holiness that caused creation. He wanted and deserved creatures to glorify and enjoy Him! He didn't need them, for His holiness needs or lacks nothing. It was His holiness that caused Him to create everything perfectly good and beautiful and wonderful.

It was God's holiness that caused Him to give Adam and Eve the rule not to eat of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It was His holiness that killed a lamb to provide coverings for them when they disobeyed that rule, and it was that same holiness that broke Adam and Eve's perfect fellowship with God and kicked them out of the Garden of Eden into a now rough, sin-tainted world filled with pain and difficult work. It was God's holiness that in the midst of punishing Adam and Eve for their sin, mercifully promised a day when a Savior would come and deliver them finally from God's wrath.

It was God's holiness that worked all through the Old Testament, calling Abraham, choosing the Israelites, giving them the Promised Land, giving the Israelites victory in battle, providing mercifully for them, giving the law to further show the need for a Savior, sending judges and prophets, and ultimately His own Son.

All God's other attributes stem from His holiness-

Because God is holy, He is merciful and poured out the wrath reserved for me on Jesus.

Because God is holy, He is also all-powerful and raised Jesus to life again and gives me new life when I trust Him for Salvation.

Because God is holy He is faithful to keep every promise He has made in His Word, and I can know that when He promised to forgive my sin when I confess and forsake it, He meant it, and really will.

Because God is holy, he is omnipresent-he sees, hears and knows all, and I can have hope that He knows what is going on in my life and is working all things for His glory and my good.

Because God is holy, he cannot lie, and I can know that when He says He is preparing a place for me in Heaven, I know I can place my full hope and assurance on that promise.

If I doubt God's holiness, I must doubt His honesty and goodness, and when I doubt that, I begin to doubt whether I can believe the Bible at all. Doubting that leads me to further question whether God really has my best interest in mind, or if He's just some cruel God playing some nasty trick on me to get me to live a life of service to someone who hates me and will condemn me to hell at my death.

If God was not holy, I could not hope in the fact that no matter what happens in this life, when I die, because of Jesus' sacrifice, I get God! It is God's very holiness that compels me to live a holy life, for from his perfect holiness stemmed His perfect love, and from that perfect love stemmed the gift of His Son and the righteousness of Christ is now offered to me.

As I reflect on God's holiness, I am filled with gratitude, and I long to bring glory to God by sharing with others who He is-holy!-and all that means for me! I guess now my question has kinda turned into 'what Bible course wanting to truly give a firm foundation to any Bible student would not begin with the holiness of God'?

"Let them praise your great and awesome name! He is holy!" Psalm 99:3

"You learn a lot during the third week of workshop." -Paul Gardner~ A look back on summer and God's amazing goodness and power!

Summer is over. On August 20th, I hugged goodbyes to the final group of techs, and less than 48 hours later, I hugged my fellow summer staff goodbye as well. It's strange thinking back on all the anticipation I felt before the summer and thinking that all those stories and memories and friendships I looked forward to are now in my past. It's also strange trying to put an answer into words for everyone who continually asks, "So how was your summer?" I always feel like that's a terrible trick question. So much happened this summer, and I feel like I've just lived in a different world and become a different person in the last twelve weeks. I can tell stories for hours of that process, but how do I even attempt to explain all that in thirty seconds? No one's really looking for a two hour answer, are they?

My expectations going into the summer were not met. In many cases, they were far, far exceeded. God had so many surprises and lessons for me this summer that I couldn't have even dreamed when I was packing this spring. So in this blog post, I'm going to attempt to, without going into too many details and making this a book, explain what God did this summer in terms of my expectations.

My first expectation was that I would hate four weeks of my summer. Why? Because those would be the weeks I was to counsel the technicians-the volunteer high school girl workers. I didn't want to counsel high school girls, especially not in a work program. I expected to be bored out of my mind, tired, and the most boring, joyless tech counselor ever. I didn't expect to get to see God work in the techs at all. Then I expected to switch to camper counseling, get the junior highers I loved so dearly, and have an amazing rest of the summer enjoying them, and seeing God do really cool things in their lives. God shattered that expectation into a million pieces!

The first week of workshop was really overwhelming. I realized all I had really signed up for by agreeing to tech counsel four weeks, and I kept thinking that I'd just made the dumbest decision of my life. All my expectations before summer of what tech counseling would be like were further cemented deeper into my mind as I read through manuals, surveyed pages of checklists, looked over work schedules, and started hours of on-the-job training. A couple days into the first week, I had my first emotional breakdown. I left the dining hall one night after dinner clean up fighting back tears. One phrase kept running through my mind: "I can't do this!" I felt so ill-prepared to counsel high school girls, so impossibly lost when it came to knowing how to run a kitchen (which I still hadn't realized by that point that I didn't really need to know how to do!), and I just missed my sisters terribly, and felt like I wasn't getting to know any of the girl counselors at all (more on both of those points later!). I decided it was time to call home.

Well, I called Sarah, but she unfortunately was at youth group, and couldn't really talk. That's when I really lost it and just started crying and praying. "God, I can't do this!" I cried. "I'm not energetic enough, cool enough, or smart enough to tech counsel. I'm so insufficient for this job, and nobody else even realizes it yet. What am I supposed to do?" But then, I felt like God was telling me, "You're right, you can't do this." At the same moment, a verse popped into my mind: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I knew that verse before, but that night, God really helped me to "know" it with more than just my head; it spoke right to my heart. I couldn't do all those things I was so concerned about, and that was good! Otherwise I could rely on and boast in myself. I didn't have to remember everything perfectly. I didn't have to counsel perfectly or have perfect energy or joy or enthusiasm. Christ was sufficient in every area that I was insufficient, and He would give me all strength right when I needed it!

There were other tough moments in workshop, but none of them really stemmed from feeling a lack of insufficiency, cuz any time those feelings started to creep in, I fought them with the Scripture God had given me...or sometimes, I just grabbed the nearest vacuum and sang "Joy is the Flag" really loudly as I vacuumed!

The first week of techs God worked in some really incredible ways. I got sick, so I shouldn't have had any energy or joy or strength, but God's grace was SO sufficient for me! I felt like I was on a lemonade high all week and just had extra joy and energy exuding out of me! The one-on-ones I was so nervous about ended up becoming my very favorite part of the week as I got to really listen and talk through some serious life issues with my girls! And even though I was so worried God wouldn't show up and work in the techs lives like he had in my campers' the year before, He did! He did some really, really cool things that week that were totally from Him, and not from me or the other tech counselors at all. God blew me away by his amazing awesomeness and power that week and the ones that followed!

The second part of my first expectation, was that I expected to be desperate to switch back to camper counseling, and end up having a bunch of junior high tribes that I just had a blast with and got to see God really work in their lives. Yeah. I was supposed to switch back to camper counseling week three, but by the end of week two, I started feeling like I COULDN'T switch. I was having SO much fun with the techs and having SO many good one-on-ones and God was working in so many cool ways, that I began to dread camper counseling. But camp wouldn't let us have three tech counselors, so the following Monday, I moved out of Railside, the building I had become so attached to, and moved into Pine, the cabin I counseled three weeks in last summer, and had been wanting (before the summer) to counsel in all summer again.

I'm not proud of my attitude that day. I don't think too many people really noticed it or even got to see it, since I kinda just withdrew to try and handle things myself, but obviously, that never works. I couldn't believe the feelings I felt-that those techs belonged to me, and that I didn't want junior highers anymore at all. I felt so ill-prepared suddenly for camper counseling. I didn't have tribe talks prepared, and I felt like I didn't have my heart prepared, either-I felt like it was still with the techs in the STEP program. I got my campers, and the first several days, I just felt distracted. I wanted to be on the other side of the serving line. I wanted to be the one packing crates rather than the one receiving one on my overnight. I wanted to stand in the kitchen and be able to step out during meals and give the other girl counselors hugs and encourage them, or take a minute and write them an encouraging note, but now, I was that camper counselor, and I didn't like it. But then I had my one-on-one with another staff member, and she called me out on my behavior. I sat shocked that someone else had noticed, cuz I thought I'd been doing an ok job hiding my feelings from everyone else.

But that's when God really started working in my heart and showing me areas of pride that were there that needed to be torn down, and barriers I had placed up in my heart that were not allowing God to work. I guess God showed me that week that I didn't deserve to see him work at all. I had surrendered myself to him as His vessel to work through, and now I was complaining about what He was using me for, and that He wasn't really using me at all. I didn't see him working in my girls, and I never did much at the end of the week, either, but that wasn't my job to really worry about; it was His. My job was to be faithful to be "all there" wherever He placed me, even when I couldn't see Him working and seemingly had a tribe of mostly unchurched, disinterested girls.

I think I learned more that week than my campers, and God really brought me to a breaking point where I realized I needed Him camper counseling just as much as I needed Him tech counseling. I somehow had this false sense of superiority-thinking I was a good camper counselor and knew more than anyone else, and didn't really need God's help. God showed me just how wrong I was that week. I won't say that the next several weeks weren't a challenge as a camper counselor, and that I didn't struggle again with missing the techs, but God definitely did bring me to a place where by His grace, I was able to open my heart to love my campers and be there with them, more than just in body, but in heart, too. And I DID get to see Him work in their lives. In less subtle ways than I hoped, but I could see Him working in and softening their hearts, and making them question their own beliefs, actions and motives.

Another expectation I had for the summer, was that it would be like last summer, and I would get to know all the other girl counselors super well, and have a blast with them. That was one of the hardest parts of workshop for me-I didn't see the other girl counselors much, yet I knew I would spend five weeks camper counseling with them, and that was hard for me to accept. I knew they would all know each other well by the time I entered their world, and I probably would never become as close with them as I had with last year's counselors. But God taught me so much through that experience as well. HE was enough for me, and He had given me friendships with the other tech counselors, which I was so grateful for! I did end up having fun with and getting to know some of the other girl counselors, but I'll admit it wasn't until around week 6. But God's planning and timing in it were perfect, and He taught me to trust Him in it!

A third expectation I had for the summer was that I wouldn't miss Alisha as much as everyone was saying I would. Like, I knew I would miss her, but I didn't think it would be a huge deal. The "girl" sessions in workshop were tough for me, cuz Alisha had done them the previous two years, and they were done differently this year. Not wrong or bad, just differently, and that made me miss Alisha. Vespers made me miss her too, cuz she would always lead music. I never realized how much I took having a sister around for ganted until I spent a summer without sisters. Now I know what it's like, and have grown in my gratitude to God for such incredible sisters!

I think those are all the shattered expectations I had, but there were still several surprising things God taught me. The first was that prayer is so powerful! I prayed more this summer than I ever have, and I prayed more with other people than I definitely ever was used to, and you know what? Prayer doesn't always change circumstances (although I DEFINITELY saw it happen SO many times this summer, praise God!), but it does change us. God changed me through prayer. He taught me how completely dependent I am on Him for everything, and He deepened my relationships with Him and those I prayed with when I prayed. There's just something about coming to God and admitting that you and the person you're praying with can't do anything to change circumstances, but that HE can, then seeing Him do cool things in others' and your own life that deepens your trust in God!

Another cool thing God taught me that I already knew (I think I already 'knew' all of this with my head before, but my heart grew to really 'know' all this this summer) was that I really can do nothing, but God is the only one who can really work and change things. There were so many times when I sat recounting a story to someone of something that had just happened, and we both had to just stare at each other and go, "Whoa, that was TOTALLY God! I did not do that!" Like, I can present truth-I can share the gospel, I can pray, I can be faithful to point to Christ-but unless God shows up and does a MIRACLE (which is really what happens when God changes a heart, cuz I've tried, and I can't change my own or others' hearts), we're hopeless to see any change.

Before this last summer I had never really sat and thought through how completely ridiculous and foolish and confusing Christianity must seem to unbelievers. "For the message of the cross is folishness to those who are perishing, but to thos who are being ssved, it is the power of God...we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews, a stumbling block and to the Greeks, foolishness, but to those who are called...the power of God and the wisdom of God." (1 Corinthians 1:18,23-24)

I attended a Catholic mass this last Sunday, and I began to understand what people must think and feel when they attend our church for the first time. I felt awkward walking in. Was I dressed right? Was I supposed to seat myself, or was that guy in a robe at the door supposed to seat me? Was there supposed to be a bulletin I picked up to tell me how to act or what to say or do in service? Then the service began and I noticed two books in front of me. I tried to figure out how to use them and figure out what was going on in the service. Then there were all the random times we sat, stood, or kneeled when I just had to follow what people around me were doing, and feel dumb for not knowing what was going on. The congregation said certain things back to the priest, and I obviously didn't know what or when to say anything. Then there was the "showing a sign of peace" to others thing. Was I supposed to shake people's hands? Was there a rule about whose hands to shake and whose not to? Was I supposed to say something special?I hoped they didn't expect me to kiss anyone! Did they all notice I was new, and were they staring at me cuz I didn't know what I was doing? And of course, when they started singing, I didn't know the songs. Oh, and communion, or whatever they call it...that was just weird and gross, and I wasn't even gonna try to participate in that.

Afterwards, the priest asked our group what questions we had. I had so many, but I didn't know how to word them without sounding dumb, cuz I didn't even know what terms to use to ask about things, so I just remained silent most of the time. It was all seemingly just a bunch of rules and words that seemed impossible to memorize, and what was the point anyways?

That really opened my eyes to what people must feel when hearing the gospel. It sounds foolish! "What's the catch?" I heard so many times this summer. "That's [the gospel] too easy! If my sin really is so deathly serious that God will separate me from Him for eternity over it, and there really is nothing good I can do to get rid of my sin, and Jesus really did die for my sins, and the gift of eternal life really is free, why wouldn't everybody just take it? There's gotta be a catch somewhere. It can't just be free." And it isn't! The catch is that somebody has to pay for the sin. Praise God that Jesus paid it all! Salvation is free for us! All those "rules" that seem so confusing and foolishness to those who are perishing are, in all reality, the joyful and grateful response of a heart that has been changed by the Holy Spirit! He and He alone can produce that change and provide that understanding, and apart from Him crashing in on someone's heart and life, they'll stay lost. That's what makes Salvation such a miracle-only God can do it!

One final cool thing God did was change my heart in relation to working with teens. As I already mentioned, I didn't want anything to do with high schoolers at the beginning of summer. I was content at my church working with the Preschool-Kindergarten Sunday School class, and being a Sparks leader. I didn't wanna work with teens. But by the end of week two, I started feeling this change in my heart, and I began asking myself, "How can I go home and NOT work with teens in the youth group?" By the end of summer, it became a burning passion of mine. I NEEDED to work with teens. God was burdening my heart for them.

I realized so many things about teens this summer, and was repeatedly shocked that the majority of parents were not involved or interested in their teens' spiritual lives, nor were their churches teaching truth to teens, but only providing entertainment. I was saddened by the number of teens that weren't really "connected" to a local church. They either didn't attend at all, or (the majority) they did, but church to them was kinda just something they did on Sunday mornings. Their 'faith' was not their own, but their parents', and there was no real connection between them and their church. It was kinda like going and watching a sports game to them. So many more than I expected didn't have that knowledge of and love for God and His Word.

Most of my Jr./Sr. Highers this summer completely "got" all the moralistic teaching in chapel and tribe talks, but it was so sad to see that when I got them one-on-one and tried to get them to explain the gospel to me and their relationship with God, they had no clue what I was talking about, or their version of the gospel was boiled down to either works-based Salvation or simple belief in God's existence.

My eyes were also opened to the struggles teens in this generation really are facing, particularly at home where so many of them don't live with both parents, or where there is a constant battleground where the teen feels the parents don't understand the struggles they're going through and can't relate to them at all. There are also so many pressures that accompany school life and their peers. The pressure to perform well academically as well as in sports is so intense, some of them just cave under the weight then turn to things other than God to fill the hurt and cover up the pressure they feel, while others push themselves, taking whatever shortcuts they can find to get what they want.

I listened to and talked through so many issues this summer with teens. Boys, physical appearance, boys, why God would allow a parent to abuse them, boys, how to relate to a parent who never wanted them and still lets them know they don't, boys, what it really means to live as a follower of Jesus, boys, and so many other things. (Yes, boys was repeated on that list for a reason.) At first I wanted to 'fix' the surface issues, but then I realized those stemmed from their parents' being unfaithful to teach God's Word to their children and show them the way to live as true Christians, but of course, that all started with a sin problem in both every teen and parent's heart, and I could do nothing to 'fix' any of that. I wanted most to reconcile all the parent/child relationships. I wanted to write letters to every parents letting them know what a great influence they have on their teens, and that it is THEIR duty to know and love God and to model and teach their teens how to know and love God as well-their duty-not the church's. The hardest thing to see was that so many of these girls just wanted someone to talk to and unload all their hurts and fears and frustrations and questions, and there really was no adult involved enough in their life that they trusted to talk to.

That turned my thoughts towards my own youth group. My church and the teens in it look pretty good on surface level, but I don't really 'know' many of them. How many of them are going through painful, tough times in their life, and I just don't know it? How many of them are tempted to give in to peer pressure at school and make choices they'll later regret? And the scariest, how many teens in my church totally 'get' all the moralistic teaching, but when it comes to their relationship with God and understanding of the gospel, how many of them are completely lost and don't even realize it? How many of them are under the false assumption that they can slap the label "Christian" on themselves, go to church on Sundays, then live life the rest of the week however they want? How many of them are falsely trusting in a prayer they said when they were three (and can't remember saying now) while living a life completely not in line with the gospel? My only problem with all these thoughts and the new burden I felt for teens in my church was that I didn't think my church's youth group had a need for girl leaders. I kept praying about it, though, and felt I at least had to ask.

So the night I got home, I headed off to church and told my youth pastor and his wife that I felt God was calling me to work with teens and I didn't know if I could just walk away from the summer and NOT work with teens. Long story short, they were shocked and excited because apparently, the morning before, they'd had a youth group leader meeting where my youth pastor anounced to the leaders that two of the girl leaders were stepping down from their positions as leaders and one other was only going to be able to have limited involvement due to health reasons. They needed girl leaders and sat down right then and prayed that God would begin working in someone's heart and make it impossible for them NOT to be a leader this fall. The same words they were praying are what God had already begun in my heart! God started working this all out in May when camp was looking for a tech counselor for four weeks, knowing they would need more leaders in my church's youth group this fall. Is God cool or what?

This summer was way different than I expected. It was way more challenging in way different ways than I expected, but I learned a lot. I didn't form as many friendships or have as much fun with campers as I expected. But I grew so much in my relationship with God through it all, and I can look back at the summer now with a smile on my face, thinking of so many amazing things God did and all the fun memories made in the process. I went into the summer looking for fun and friendships and watching God work in girls' lives like last year. But this wasn't last year. God possibly did more work in my life than in my girls'. My view of God is so much bigger as a result of this summer, and I now see the world in a totally new way. I probably didn't have as much fun, but the growth I experienced in its place I would not trade for anything in the world!

Workshop is supposed to be the two week training for summer where I thought you were supposed to learn eveyrthing, then go through the summer, living out that training. But Paul Gardner was right when he said that we'd learn a lot during the third week of workshop...and fourth and ninth and twelfth. The lessons God taught me didn't end after the official training ended, and I'm so grateful that I know that the work God began in my heart this summer will not leave merely because I'm home.

"Not to Him who is able to do EXCEEDINGLY abundantly above ALL that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21